WTMI Morning Mayhem Show with Dee Jay Hergo
by The Incredible Werekitty
Summary: What happens when you allow real live super villians on a morning radio show? Hilarity, innuendo, and ranting!
1. Blue Rubber Balls, and Other Oddities

WTMI Morning Mayhem Show featuring Hergo, Dr. Drakken, and Shego

Radio Transcripts

The Monday Morning Rant of DOOOOOM! This week's episode: The Blue Balls of Doom

By: The Incredible Werekitty and Abel DuSable

Disney owns Dr. Drakken and Shego. The Incredible Werekitty created WTMI, The Morning Mayhem Show, and Hergo/ Heather Go. The concept of the Monday Morning Rant of Doom, and a good many of the rants themselves, was created by Abel DuSable.

Hergo: "Hello, again, Middleton, and it's MONDAY! You have to go back to that five-day-long drudgery known as he workweek. In what has become something of a custom, here on the Morning Mayhem Show, we're giving the results of the fantasy mad scientists league forum debate on last week's rant, and airing the latest offering from our resident mad scientist, Dr. Drakken."

Drakken: "My Ten Ton rubber Balls will crush all opposition!"

Heather paused, and started giggling. "Ten ton super balls?"

Drakken: "When I was a lad I invented a device that gave me total control over rubber products... Stop snickering Shego."

"And nobody could best you in any of the typical playground games, right?" Heather added. "Dodge ball and dodo's, Dr. D."

Drakken: "Shego! You TOLD her?"

Hergo: "She had to gripe to somebody, Doc."

Drakken: "SIGH Alright... anyways it's perfectly plausible for my balls to conquer all of America and from there the rest of the world."

Heather stared at Drakken for a long moment, then collapsed into a fit of helpless laughter.

Drakken: "What?"

"You mean... he doesn't... know?" Hergo panted, still laughing herself silly.

Drakken: "Oh I get it... You think that my balls are useless once it reaches the borders, Eh? Well my Balls are far more powerful than you could possibly imagine!"

"Oh ghawd," Heather gasped, erupting into fresh laughter.

Drakken: "I promise you that once I unleash my balls on an unsuspecting world that no matter where you go... Everyone will know the Name Doctor Drakken because of his famous Balls!"

"Cut to commercial, please," Heather chortled, as she beat her hand on a table in her hilarity.

Shego roared with laughter into the Microphone and managed to gasp... "Oh ghawd... this is as bad as your idea to conquer the world with a new line of Hypno-drug laced Bratwurst."

Drakken: "I still say that my Wiener had a shot of global domination."

This statement was greeted with fresh torrents of feminine laughter.

Hergo: "Oh, we're on a commercial break. Good... Doctor Drakken, do you know anything about sexual slang?"

Drakken: "I'm still trying to get a grasp on the latest batch of Run-of-the-mill Slang."

Hergo: "Okay. Just for your edification, and so I don't give myself a headache from laughing too hard, wiener, and balls are slang for certain... parts of the male anatomy."

Drakken: "Really? Which par... OH MY GHAWD! NO!"

Shego: "Heeeee's figured it out on his own. Without us even having to draw him a picture."

Hergo: "Yeah, I imagine so, from the way he just went such a loverly shade of purple."

Drakken slowly sunk down on the floor and crawled under the Console. "Ahhhhh... I've lost all of my reputation! I can't believe that my evil balls of doom made me look like a buffoon..."

Hergo: "You know you could call them spheres... Though you have already broadcast it all over Middleton... Oopsie, commercial's over. Hello, folks, and welcome back to the Morning Mayhem Show. And what a show it's been. The weekly rant will be a bit delayed, because we're having technical difficulties with our cohost. In the meantime, we'll give you the best forum quotes from the past week."

Drakken: "Wahhhhhh! My Balls are laughable despite their disproportionally large size!"

Hergo: "Uh, Doc? You know we're on the air, right?"

Drakken: "Aw fudge."

Shego: "He knows. Now."

Hergo: "You should pay more attention, Doc. Why don't you come up with a back-up rant, and we'll read the funniest forum quotes."

Drakken: "Alright... I think I have my notes for a ray that turns people into a bunch of silly Boobs somewhere here."

Shego: "Should I tell him, or will you?"

Hergo: "I think I should... Uh Doc? You might want to rephrase that."

Drakken: "What? Another slang word?"

Heather leaned close to Drakken, and whispered exactly why he would want to rephrase.

Drakken: "NNNGH! BUFFOONS! I meant Buffoons! ...Buffoons is safe, right?"

"Unless Ron Stoppable calls in," laughed Heather.

Drakken: "My gigantic blue Orbs could have worked."

Hergo: "Doc, do they have to be blue? People are going to be wondering about your equipment, after this."

Drakken: "I get blue rubber at a discount... The next cheapest color is green."

Hergo: "And the hits just keep on coming... Are you blue down there, by the way? I'd find out for myself, after work, but I'm not interested in third degree plasma burns."

Drakken: "Oh that's a personal question!"

Hergo: "I know. But, like I said, because of the innuendo, the next hot topic for the forums is going to be that."

Drakken: "You wouldn't DARE! Shego! Attack!"

Shego: "What?"

Drakken: "Sorry... Force of habit."

Hergo: "Never mind she'd never lay a finger on me

Shego.": "Yeah... no matter how often you ask me to Cousin."

Hergo: "SHEGO! I have never come on to you!"

Shego snickered and elbowed Drakken. "There... I attacked. Consider that your birthday present."

Hergo: "And that, folks, is why she's my favorite cousin."

END TRANSCRIPT


	2. The Lightning Rod and Contest

WTMI Morning Mayhem Show Featuring Dee Jay Hergo, Doctor Drakken, and Shego

Two episodes of the "Monday Morning Rant of DOOOOM!"

"Dr. Drakken's Impressive Azure Lightning Rod", and "Evil is the New Good" featuring the Date Dr. Drakken Contest.

By: The Incredible Werekitty and Abel DuSable

Dr. Drakken and Shego are owned by Disney, and are used without permission. Hergo/Heather Go, WTMI, and The Morning Mayhem Show were created by The Incredible Werekitty, and introduced in Chapter 4-5 of Yougo Hugh Go. The Monday Morning Rant of Doom was thought up in the fertile mine of Abel DuSable, as are many of the rants themselves.

TRANSCRIPT: DR. DRAKKEN'S IMPRESSIVE AZURE LIGHTINING ROD

Hergo: "Hi there, Middleton, and welcome back to the Morning Mayhem show. We were getting into Dr. Drakken's Monday Morning Rant of Doom... Doc, you were saying something about a lighting... rod... Oooooh dear..."

Drakken: "You see by the picture that all the energy that fires through my rod are initially stored in the twin spiracle energy collectors at the base. One turned on my Rod will keep building in intensity, the spheres churning with monumental force until it becomes too much to contain... And then..."

Hergo: "Uh, Doc?"

Drakken: "What is it, Hergo?"

Hergo: "Are you expecting us to post that picture on the forums?"

Drakken: "And why not? It's perfect...ly... NNGAH! It happened again! SHEGO! Why didn't you WARN ME?"

Hergo: "We really need to set you up with a date, Doc."

Drakken: "No matter... I have Plan B! Using state of the art confectechnology I have devised a chemical compound that can turn enormous amounts of water into an Immobile Gel!"

Hergo: "Does it come in cherry flavor? And does the water have to be boiled in order for it to work?"

Drakken: "The flavor is the flavor that everyone hates. Sour Apple... and it starts thickening upon contact. Imagine how it will not only keep people from getting a drink, but it will decimate the fish stocks, Hydroelectric dams will be useless and Boats will become immobile in seconds. Muahahahahahahaha!"

Hergo: "I like sour apple..."

"But it would decimate the fish..." Shego mused.

Hergo: "Yeah, you've always had a soft spot for seafood, cuz."

Drakken: "I will admit that there is a delivery problem... Until I found out about a new robotic bird designed by Dr Lewellen Haphazard of the Welsh institute for the study of Weird things. This is where Shego comes in."

Hergo: "She goes in and steals the robobird?"

Drakken: "Well it's a little more complicated than that but yes... then we take over a roboticised factory, mass produce my robotic homing pigeons and I have thousands that can slip in under any defenses... unless the military is willing to risk the ASPCA's wrath and shoot down every bird in the sky!"

Hergo: "Never mind the World Wildlife Fund, and the Environmental Protection Agency..."

Drakken: "YES! Oh... I may be evil but they're just plain vicious."

Hergo: "Interesting plan, Doc. Think the FMSL will succeed?"

Drakken: "The wha?"

Hergo: "You really haven't been paying attention, have you? The FMSL is the Fantasy Mad Scientists League. They sort of Role Play your weekly take-over-the-world plots."

Drakken: "Sorry... I'm not up on all of the abbreviations in the world these days"

Hergo: "Well it IS a new one. Just formed by your fans, Doc."

Drakken: "Really? That's rather fascinating. I thought people just liked hearing my genius at work. I didn't know there was the equivalent of a football pool on my virtual successes or failures."

Hergo: "I guess they think it's fun. Generates some really funny forum quotes... And, seriously, we really need to get you a date."

Drakken: "So... how is my average so far?"

Hergo: "Eh... About... the same as real life."

Drakken: "Even in fantasy I can't cut a break."

Hergo: "Would you believe that they factor in Kim Possible?"

END TRANSCRIPT

TRANSCRIPT: EVIL IS THE NEW GOOD

Hergo: "We're back, everyone, and were discussing Dr. Drakken's latest scheme to take over the world."

Drakken: "My new plan is to capture the Amusement Park magnate, Wilf Dizzy, and brainwash him into creating an amusement park based off of all of Kim Possible's Villains."

Hergo: "To give y'all jobs, Doc?"

Drakken: "All of the food will be laced with mildly mind-numbing chemicals, and combined with the subliminals in the ever-present park MUZAK as well as the hypnotically coercive designs of the various rides. We shall program people into being not only Junkies for Dizzy products made in the image of Kim's many foes, but also to think that she's nothing more than an attention-seeking showoff and that being my slaves is really not that bad of an idea at all."

Hergo: "Heh. Interesting plan, Doc."

"Dr. D, I think you may have achieved, yet again, 'so dumb it just might work' status with this one," observed Shego.

Hergo: "But how do you counteract Kim Possible's being so darned helpful?"

Drakken: "Helpful? Her personal approval rating will start to go down as more and more people enjoy surrounding themselves with the trappings of evil."

Hergo: "Yeah, but Kim just does stuff because it's the right thing to do... She helps people, and that's how she gets all those rides. But you're idea is that people would start... rooting for the bad guys?"

Drakken: "You hear about things like 'Black is the new Pink' and 'Ugly is the new Cute'? Well evil can be the new good."

Hergo: "Wild, Doc. Very wild... At least you're using less... imagery in your plans, this week..."

Drakken: "I spent all night running it past some... acquaintances just be certain. The instant a plan caused a snicker I took a closer look."

Hergo: "Which 'associates' are we talking about, here?"

Drakken: "Uh... My Bridge Club."

Heather turned to Shego with a perplexed look on her face. "He has a Bridge Club?"

Shego: "Yeah... Global Justice actually gave him permission to hang out with... SIGH ...for lack of a better word 'The Boys'."

Hergo: "You mean Killigan, Fiske, Motor Ed, and. Who else?"

Drakken: "Senior Senior Senior... He has the best grasp of the game."

Hergo: "You actually play bridge."

Drakken: "No we plan how best to blow them up... OF COURSE WE PLAY BRIDGE! You make it sound strange."

Hergo: "Bridge-playing super villains isn't what you'd call a common occurrence. Okay. We REALLY need to set you up on a date... One problem is that I don't know anyone that would go for him... He's cute in a weird sorta way, bu-ut..."

Shego: "Y'know... We could make a who wants to date Dr D contest."

Heather snickered. "You up for that sort of thing, Doc?"

Drakken: "Uh? I ... say wha?"

Hergo: "A contest to get you a date."

Drakken: "I am perfectly capable of getting a date on my own."

Shego: "I think we should start it off with whoever can make up the best reason for dating him..."

Hergo: "Forums or mail-in, Cuz?"

Shego: "Mail-in, Hergo. We don't want to leave people out just because they lack computer skills."

Drakken: "Hello! I'm still in the same room here!"

Hergo: "C'mon, Doc, it's all in fun."

Drakken: "I'm not some pathetic loser! I can get a date any time I want... I have a lot to offer a woman."

"And what would that be?" Shego said challengingly, crossing her arms.

Drakken: "For one thing I have a Built-in tan without those pesky bathing-suit lines."

Hergo: "It's blue, Doc."

Drakken: "Bah! A Mere detail... also I have Fab-Abs!"

Shego: "'Six-pack abs' does not mean you look like you just downed one Doc."

Drakken: "Oh yeah? Get a load of THESE PUPPIES ladies!" With that statement, Drakken whipped off his shirt, revealing his physique.

Hergo: "Oooh. He's been working out."

Shego: "Whoa... Ok Drakken. Have you been sprinkling steroids on your Wheeties?"

Drakken: "What? Oh come now... these are real. I earned them the old fashioned way. I got bored and seeing as everything I invent is usually confiscated by Global Justice I started working out... My first sit-up nearly killed me."

Hergo: "Nice hobby, Doc. Uh, cuz? You want a napkin?"

Shego: "Uh... wha? Oh. Thanks, Hergo."

Drakken: "I can finally open the aspirin without Shego's help!"

Hergo: "Hooray for you, Doc. Now flex a sec, willya? And SMILE."

Drakken: "Sure... NNNGH! I just wish I'd have done this years ago... Eh wha?"

Heather took a picture with the webcam. "All righty." She rapidly typed something into the computer. "Updating the website, now."

Drakken: "Wha? Shego! Stop her!"

Shego, with a look of determination reached over is if to push the "delete" button, but (with a wink to Heather) pushed the "enter" button as if by accident. "OOPS! Sorry, Doc," she said innocently.

Hergo: "C'mon, check it out. It's a GREAT picture. 'Date the Doctor! Write into WTMI with YOUR reason for wanting to go out with Dr. Drakken, and win a fabulous all-expenses-paid night on the town with the Doc, himself.'"

Drakken: "This is rather embarrassing"

Hergo: "It's a great pic, Doc."

Drakken: "I'm not certain I wanted to show it off just yet."

Hergo: "You DO get to choose the winner, you know."

Drakken: "I thought you two were conspiring against me…"

Hergo: "No, Doc, we're just trying to get you out for a fun night on the town. Who knows? You might even get luk-kay."

Drakken: "Please...You're making me blush."

Hergo: "Well considering some of your designs for your weekly rants, you need to. Get lucky, I mean, not blush."

Shego: "Wow... he's turning royal Purple!"

Hergo: "Heh. Calm down, Doc."

Drakken: "Aheh... Trying to."

Hergo: "We'll help with reading all the entries. Anyway, it's all in fun, and you get to go to a nice restaurant and not have to worry about the bill."

Drakken: "Well... alright... I just hope I don't regret this.

Hergo: "Who knows. We might not even get that many entries."

Shego: "Yeah. Who wants to go out with a man who looks like a berry and is kinda scary? Right Cousin?"

Drakken: "That... rap is going to haunt me until my dying day... won't it?"

Hergo: "Well, it keeps getting number one on Funny Friday."

Drakken: "Curse you Doctor Demento! Cuuuuuurse youuuuuuu!"

Hergo: "Uh, Doc? I'm the one who does Funny Fridays. I haven't sent that song to be cut onto an album."

Drakken: "You don't have to... it's bouncing around the Internet as we speak."

Hergo: "Wow. The wonders of the information superhighway... Speaking of which, the topic of your. cough unmentionables did come up on the forums."

Drakken: "Wha?

Hergo: "Remember last week, when there was speculation about their color?"

Drakken: "Ah... I uh... don't remember."

Hergo: "Well the consensus is that they're as blue as the rest of you, Doc."

Drakken: "Blue? You think I want my undies to blend in with my skin?"

Hergo: "We're not talking about your boxers, Dr. D."

Drakken: "Then what do you mean by my Unmentionables?"

Hergo: "What lies under the undies, Doc."

Drakken: "NNGAH!"

Shego: "HE got that in... what... two prompts? He's getting better."

Hergo: "That he is. Guess working out stimulated his brain activity, too."

Drakken: "That's a rather Personal question... I do not go around asking you or your family if their 'hue' is all encompassing. Do I?"

Hergo: "I didn't ask. The forum posters did. And yes, it goes all the way down."

Drakken: "Hurumph! Alright... Yes... My hue is also all-encompassing."

Hergo: "Thanks for clearing that up, Doc. I'll close the thread. Site's up, and it's going to be advertised. Ladies of Middleton, would you like to win a date with Dr. Drakken? Write in with your reason for wanting to go out. The top five entries will be read on the air, and the winner gets an all expense paid night on the town with our resident mad scientist. He's got fab abs." Hergo giggled at her own statement.

Drakken: "Does everything I say have to come back to haunt me?"

Hergo: "Even if it's the truth, Doc? You do have fab abs."

END TRANSCRIPT


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